"My earliest memory is of being beaten. My mom told me that when I was a tiny baby my dad would slap me when I cried to get me to stop. I witnessed my dad repeatedly beat my mom in his drunken rages.
Years of being whipped as a child.
Screaming sounds echo.
We all cowered in fear.
At age 12 years I left as I could o longer tolerate the abuse. I moved to the streets. It was safer there. I joined a gang. They became my new family. They knew exactly where I came from. They knew my experience. They felt the same wounds.
We took drugs.
Drank booze. Stole to get it.
Dealt drugs to get our own drugs.
I got in trouble with the law. I go to jail while my dad is still free. Doing drugs let me feel nothing. Feeling nothing feels good. Numb is better than real.
Years of this life leads to an emptiness, a hollowness in my soul. My gut is always churning.
Next meal.
Next bed.
Next freezing night in a dumpster.
I can't do it anymore. I am going to die and maybe that is ok.
Dying is better than this.
I woke up in the hospital. I overdosed. "You died and paramedics brought you back to life," a kind lady tells me in a gentle voice. She is a nurse in the emergency ward. A social worker tells me I should go to Freedom's Door. It is a recovery home for men like me.
I am 20 years old. I can't go on like this. I agree to go. I am scared.
At Freedom's Door I am welcomed with a smile and a hello which is too nice. I don't trust them, or anyone, I sign their forms and I am shown my room.
Clean. Warm bed. Hot food. Shower.
Fifty guys live here.
Weeks go by and I attend daily group counseling sessions. Private counseling is available to me so that I can deal with my life traumas. I get help with so many issues. I work the 12 steps of AA and have it sponsor. There are life skills training classes and anger management classes. My burdens get lighter and my gut stops churning. I start to trust. Is this what love feels like? These are my brothers and they understand.
I complete the "90 Day Program" and get a graduation certificate at a ceremony where all of my brothers cheer and encourage me. I have never completed anything in my life. I completed that.
I am not leaving here. I can stay as long as I want to. I enroll for the "Next Steps Program." I also sign up for courses at college in order to get my high school diploma.
A year has gone by since I entered Freedom's Door. I can't believe what has happened to me.
There are still problems. I still have a lot of work to do. But, I have freedom and I can choose my new life, with the help of friends and the grace of my God.
I have hope. I have joy. Wow!"
